The Importance of loving yourself

A call to action

The world seems to be in flux and with the dawn of AI and tools such as chatGPT available to everyone, it seems that it is becoming harder and harder to differentiate between what is real and what is not real. I find that young people respond best to authenticity and are quick to judge when authenticity is lacking. It is well known that students learn better from people that they like. In a world of deep fakes and news articles that are created by AI to have us believe a certain narrative, it seems that authenticity is an increasingly rare (and therefore valuable) commodity.

Having recently read Stephen Hawking's last book before he sadly passed away (Brief Answers to the Big Questions) the last chapter discusses the potential impacts that AI can have on humanity. Far from being 'doomsday' like in his outlook, Hawking is hopeful that AI can be harnessed to solve some of the major problems facing humanity currently. Environmental sustainability, the threat of nuclear fallout from tensions rising ever higher on a global scale, the energy crisis and where we will find the next power source (maybe interplanetary). Finally he discusses what the next mysterious disease is that may lead to another global pandemic and how it may be dealt with.

It is this thing called hope that permeates through the messages and I am reminded that humans can live for a couple of weeks without food, a couple of days without water, a couple of minutes without air...but cannot survive without hope.

'Be yourself, everyone else is already taken' - Oscar Wilde

"Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You." - Dr Seuss

It is my great belief that the ultimate goal for life is very simply to fall head over heels in love with yourself. Not in a vein, arrogant and superficial way, but in a way that you understand yourself and are comfortable in your own skin. You value what your strengths are and can recognise where you lack strength and have the necessary humility to recognise that you cannot be everything to all people. You recognise your own humanity and can therefore see it reflected in others. For some this sentiment may seem overly idealistic but imagine a world where everyone has a deep personal regard for themselves and think about how this may radiate outwards to others.

Picture your best friend in crisis - something terrible has happened in their lives and they are spiralling into mental health crisis. What would you say to them to soothe them?

It's ok, I'm here, there's nothing to fear!

This too shall pass!

You are amazing just as you are!

You'll get through this because you are strong!

I know that you can handle this and come back brighter!

Now put YOURSELF in the crisis and think about how you would talk to YOURSELF. I will virtually guarantee that you would beat yourself up for failing at life, for making a stupid mistake or for saying that thing that you wish you had never said. Your bets friend though...you would never dream of berating should they make a mistake! Of course you should be kind to yourself, after all you are the only one that HAS to live with you. Yet we are geared for the negative, geared to criticise and spot the flaws in others as well as ourselves and we wonder why on a grand scale humanity is facing some grand problems. It takes skill and practice to train yourself to focus on the positives and to truly love yourself.

The mental health of individuals is on the decline and suicide remains the leading cause of death in people aged 15-24 (Australian bureau of statistics), domestic violence is fast becoming an epidemic with the rise of toxic masculinity and cis-gendered white males posting intoxicatingly alluring videos for young men as a call to arms. In Australia at the time of writing a woman dies as a result of domestic violence every 3 days at the hands of a partner or ex-partner (Australian bureau of statistics). Bullying is at an all time high with 1 in 3 people claiming to experience some kind of bullying or occupational violence on a DAILY basis. The physical health of our children is worsening with obesity rates off the scale in western economies and with an ever increasingly sedentary generation of kids indicating that it is becoming increasingly harder and harder to achieve this very simple truth...that many of the problems facing humanity can be solved if we just fall in love with ourselves...but how I hear you cry?

Joseph Campbell's Hero with a Thousand Faces introduces the concept of The Hero’s Journey, a narrative framework that outlines the typical adventure of a heroic figure across myths and stories from many cultures. Campbell called this the monomyth, and it follows a consistent structure consisting of three main acts (The departure, The initiation and the Return) and several specific stages.

Several famous directors are proper students of the narrative framework that the Heroes Journey provides with names such as George Lucas, Steven Spielberg and Peter Jackson adhering to the model to tell some of the stories of a generation. Star Wars, Indiana Jones, E.T., Interstellar and most animated movies like Shrek and Toy Story also following closely with the model.

Having witnessed the effectiveness of this model when demonstrated to people and then applied to our lives we can simplify this model into 7 stages:

• The Ordinary world - The Hero begins the story in their normal environment and everyday lives. Often referred to as the 'comfort zone', it provides the audience with context and understanding about the characters and their significant relationships. In the Matrix opening scenes, you see a drab office environment that Neo is immersed in. It is mundane and bland but Neo is in full control and comfortable. In Shrek, you find our favourite Ogre quite at home in his swamp, away from the madding crowds and comfortable in his own company. In Star Wars, Luke is comfortable with his uncle and aunt in Tatooine blissfully unaware that the Empire are looking for him and that he is a 'skywalker'. In the 'Lord of the Rings' we find Frodo at home in the comfort of the Shire.
• The Call to adventure - Often the pivotal or 'defining' moment in the movie, the 'call' is where the hero is presented with an opportunity to leave their comfortable surroundings and embark on some kind of journey or quest. This stage of the journey is often met with resistance - commonly referred to as the 'refusal' - since the hero is 'comfortable' in their ordinary world and to step outside of that is scary and fraught with danger. Neo fails to believe that he is in a Matrix; Shrek refuses to leave his swamp; Luke does not believe that he is able to go and fight some galactic empire and heads home to his Uncle's house; Frodo isn't confident to be the one to take the ring.

The hero is 'comfortable' in their ordinary world and to step outside of that is scary and fraught with danger.

• The Extraordinary world - There wouldn't be much of a story to tell if the hero remained in the ordinary world...so there always comes a point where the hero embarks on the journey/quest - sometimes as this is their only choice. There is usually a 'Mentor' that reveals themselves to offer sage advice and guide the hero towards their ultimate destiny and once they have crossed the first threshold - there is no return. Neo meets Morpheus; Shrek has Donkey; Luke has Obi Wan; Frodo has Gandalf.
• Allies & Enemies - One of the reasons that the hero usually is reluctant to cross the first threshold is down to the fact that it is a step into the unknown. The fear of the unknown is the very thing that prevents them taking those first few steps towards a greater purpose. That includes the people that the hero encounters and they often have to trust their instincts and learn quickly who they can trust and who they cannot. Often there is one person that is their reliable person - or a mentor throughout the movie that helps them achieve their goal. Neo has not only Morpheus, but also Trinity who helps him; Shrek has Donkey and later Princess Fiona; Luke has Obi Wan, but later has Han Solo, Leia and a host of other characters like Chewbacca, C3-PO and R2-D2. He of course later meets the ultimate mentor in Yoda; Frodo has Sam and a host of characters that make the 'Fellowship' like Aragorn, Legolas and Gimli all positioned to help Frodo achieve his aim.

The fear of the unknown is the very thing that prevents them taking those first few steps towards a greater purpose.

• Tests & Challenges - Our hero needs to develop the skills and acquire the tools necessary to achieve their ultimate goal. This is usually achieved through carrying out a series of trials and meeting characters that either help or hinder their progress. Sometimes there is a 'talisman' like object or tool with which the hero is trusted with (Luke has his father's lightsabre for example) as part of their repertoire of preparedness. This part of the story usually has the hero drawing closer to the 'Inmost cave' which is often represented by some deep entrenched fear that the character has and our hero must face their final trial or what is known as the 'Ordeal' or 'Crisis'. In the build up to the final 'battle' our hero experiences a series of trials that prepare them for what lies ahead. No longer naïve and 'comfortable' the character grows into their role and the imposter syndrome fades with each task being replaced by belief and self-confidence. Neo - training to harness the matrix; Luke - training to become a Jedi; Shrek - understanding that he doesn't have to shy away from people; Frodo - realising the power of the ring.
• Slaying the Dragon - Ultimately the story all points towards the hero facing the ordeal and overcoming it. It is usually a confrontation with death, failure to some kind of trauma relevant to our hero. Neo faces this when he confronts Agent Smith and has to face death in order to be 'reborn' as The One; Shrek has to face his greatest fear that Fiona will not accept him because of his looks; Luke has to face his father, the indomitable Darth Vader; Frodo must face the fires of Mordor and the evil wizard Saruman with his Orc army.
• The Reward and the Return - Having survived the ordeal, the hero then gains a reward - an object, some knowledge or insight that they never had previously. Our hero has grown and this reward is often referred to as the 'elixir'. This is accompanied by a return to the 'ordinary world' to demonstrate their new found insight or knowledge and celebrate the gaining of the 'elixir'. Neo's elixir is himself and showing that he truly is the one and brings the hope for ending the war between the machines and humans. Shrek's elixir is the realisation of true love and acceptance. He no longer has to hide behind his 'layers'. Luke's elixir is the ultimate redemption of his father and the return of the light side of the force along with his new found powers as a Jedi master. Frodo of course restores Peace to Middle Earth but unlike traditional heroes finds reintegration into the Shire difficult as he is so changed by his experience. He finds his peace in the the Undying Lands of Valinor with Bilbo, Gandalf and the Elves.

Applying the Heroes Journey - In real life

I have found that when you replace the hero in the story with YOU as a person and view your trials and tribulations just the same as Neo, Luke, Shrek and Frodo you begin to understand the world around you more. You start to understand where your comfort zone begins and ends.

The fact that if you are STILL reading this and have made it this far, you already have the foundations to achieve EVERYTHING you ever wanted out of life. The only thing stopping you is your lack of self-belief and lack of self-confidence which are only borne out of stepping outside of what is comfortable. You must always push the limits for if you never fail, you will never succeed.

You must always push the limits for if you never fail, you will never succeed.

That life is simply a series of challenges - of ordeals - of tests is just a given. If we are not challenged in our lives, we are denied the opportunity to grow. Imagine if John Lennon and Paul McCartney never shook hands, or George Lucas never risked his livelihood on a little green alien, a Samurai looking bad guy and a space opera that was way ahead of its time. Imagine if Walt Disney had given up when he heard no for the 100th time to his proposal for a them park based on a stuffed mouse...now imagine for every Michael Jordan, Walt Disney and George Lucas that ever existed, there are literally thousands like them that we never heard of...because they quit when faced with a challenge.

No...you owe it to yourself and you owe it to the world to be the person that you are supposed to be. To create that something that you were meant to create - even when they laugh and say you can't...and they will, they always do. The tests and the challenges you are facing right now...embrace them, don't shy away form them for they are helping you to become who you are supposed to become. If you see an opportunity to grow and step outside of your comfort zone...my advice is TAKE IT and run with it because you never know where it might lead or what or who it will lead you to...your elixir is waiting for you but like a very close friend and mentor of mine says #ugottawantit.

I'll leave you with a quote from Nelson Mandela - who knew only too well about the Heroes Journey. In this quote he acknowledges how far he has come, but that true freedom requires ongoing effort and great responsibility. Wise words from a man who grew threw his own Heroes Journey.

I have taken a moment here to rest, to steal a view of the glorious vista that surrounds me, to look back on the distance I have come. But I can rest only for a moment, for with freedom come responsibilities, and I dare not linger, for my long walk is not yet ended - Nelson Mandela

Now go read 'A Long Walk to Freedom' by Nelson Mandela and get inspired!

Peace and Love x